The Circle of Life

…often doesn’t want to go the way you wish for it to take.
Alas, my grandmother died at the age of 84 last night.
She had been in care for over year while suffering from heavy dementia and the consequences of a stroke.
I had no chance to say goodbye to her, so I really hope she remembered my last spoken words to her (“Stay well – I love you.”) from a year ago and the fact that I hugged her before exiting the room.
All I know is that she doesn’t live anymore, via a forwarded message from my stepmother with whom I usually don’t have contact, nor my father (we had to cut ties years ago).
The sad fact that she won’t ever know whether I reconcile with my father’s family portion also brought me down quite a bit, especially since I tried fixing said relationship numerous times…

I don’t expect anyone to comment on this.
It’s just that I’ll probably never find the right words to tell her grave so I’m doing it here, as a tribute, to have completely unknown people from around the world know that I loved her so much…
She did well.

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8 thoughts on “The Circle of Life

  1. SomeDudeOnTheNet

    For what little it’s worth, I’m sorry for your loss. Thanks for the reminder to tell our loved ones how we feel while they’re still with us.

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  2. Flower

    I know the feeling very, very well … for some people it can even be present (in various ways) for years. Feel more than free to feel pain or to cry should those things rise up. Par for the course if one loves someone else for so long. ^^

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  3. John Rhogan

    I feel for your loss. Best thing to do, is to always talk about her. That keeps her memory alive. I always talk about those who have passed on, and instead of feeling sad, I feel happy knowing they are always remembered.

    Also, your grandmother lives on through you. My dad, and my grandparents live on through my parents and all my relatives. Never forget that.

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  4. Protox

    My granddad passed a few months back, I know the feeling ( he also had dementia), It does get better but I think you will always remember.

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  5. daryula

    My utmost condolences, I know how you felt as my uncle which i refer as my second father also died due to sickness 2 years ago and I didn’t get to say a proper farewell for him since I’m at my final exam and my parents didn’t contact me before I finish my exam period. I wish you good luck with your attempt to fix your relationship, I know your grandma loves you and will always be proud of whatever you achieve in life even if she had to go on.

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